We are now about 70 days until the midterm elections. The day where you get to strike back at that evil liberal agenda by electing people that will keep the gays from divorce court, stop federally-funded grandma saving, and make sure all our money is kept safely in the pockets of our corporate friends. So far you’ve done a good job in showing the American people why Obama is bad and how he’s destroying America, and I’m really impressed with your ongoing series pointing out all the threats he’s exposing us to. From terror babies, to Mexicans, to Islamic Victory Mosques being built with the bones of 9/11 victims, you’re showing how Obama <3’s Americas enemies.
However, there is always room for more on that bus we should be loading for Unamericaville, CA. So, to help you help good conservatives win in November, I would like to suggest a few more groups of people we can hate.
Butch Lesbians
It’s a well-known fact that gay men and butch lesbians carry diseases. These diseases were given to them by Jesus for not obeying what he said in the Bible (side note: this is the same reason why Cleveland is afflicted with Browns). However, butch lesbians are even more dangerous because they all hate men and loving cutting off peniss peni dicks. Because most Republicans are men, this presents a significant issue. However, we can’t just start hating all lesbians- some lesbians are good, hardworking Americans (who kiss and makes me feel funny inside).
We only want to target the EVIL lesbians, so I have developed a flow chart to make things easier:
Vampires
With the booming popularity of Twilight, True Blood, and many other terrible pieces of vampire fiction, there is no greater danger to America than vampires. Just like Will and Grace and Friends made homosexuality acceptable (Ross and Chandler were totally queer), and Everybody Loves Raymond made being a fucking moron mainstream, these pieces of garbage risk making vampirism seem okay. Well guess what- sucking blood is no okay. Turning America against these leeches is simple- we just point out that the most hated man in America is actually a vampire. That’s right- Mel Gibson is a fucking vampire.
New York Yankees
Fuck them.
Cancer Patients
Now, I know this one isn’t going to be popular at first. But think about it: cancer patients just make everyone uncomfortable. How many times have been walking down the street when a bald jerk totally slows down the sidewalk? You try to go around them, but the damn fluid thingy blocks you. When you’ve finally had enough, you push them down to go around them only to have them scream back “I HAVE CANCER!!” Well this double standard needs to end! We can turn America against them but just pointing out the obvious: all these cancer kids just want attention and someone to serve them. It’s un-American! They should have to work for anything they want! And if it comes to actual fighting, it’s not like they’ll be much of a problem- they have cancer for christsake.
So you see, my Republican friends. We can get more Democrats out of office by demonizing these national security threats, and pointing out how the DemonRats have no plan to fight them! Profit!
Keep fighting the good fight!
Hawk
I knew you'd take the nickname I gave you.
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