Beck has a rally for stuff!

Glenn Beck threw a big party in Washington this weekend. Everyone of who has a microphone had been speculating what the hell the whole party was going to be about for weeks, with the only clues being the title: Restoring Honor. How generic is that? Why not Fixing Fate, Setting Virtues, or Happy Harmony? I think those sound cooler. Yet, even without knowing what the hell the whole thing was about, 300,000 rednecks made the pilgrimage. 300,000 people went to the National Mall because Glenn Beck said to go there without even telling them WHY. Scared yet?

Bet you can't guess what country they're from...

The right loves to haughtily say Beck’s detractors are just afraid of him. And they’re right. And it’s not just a man having that kinda power that’s so scary, it’s that kinda power over those kinda people- people with lots of free time, mullets, and guns. Lots and lots of guns. And big ugly mullets. We’ve been safe from them up until now because Rush, Dr. Laura, and Michael Savage only had words to incite them. Glenn Beck has a chalkboard where he draws PICTURES. Shit just got real.

Part of me expected Beck to stand up in front of that mob and say “Okay! Revolution timey! Go go go!” At the very least I expected lots of angry yelling by people in tri-corner hats wearing tights. Instead, I just got church. Not even a fun church like the one in The Blues Brothers. A boring one. I tried watching the whole thing, but I kept switching between it and a NatGeo Border Wars marathon.

So the point of Glenn Beck’s shindig was to bring America back to God. Well, thanks Glenn. But that just leads to more questions: Which God? The God used to criminalize private behavior that has zero impact on other people? The God that doesn’t let people drive cars on Saturday? The God of Glenn Beck’s LDS people that says coffee is bad? Or what about the God from Leviticus and all his goodies, like stoning bad children? However, I do like the “stay away from women on their period” thing from that last one.

Even if Glenn’s point was that we need to find the middle ground in all those religions and just be more moral and such, he still has problems since the only middle ground in them is that God is a dude. Everything else is in conflict. So the point of Glenn’s boring rally that thousands of people showed up for with, without knowing why they were showing up, is still not very clear. I think a better title for his rally would have just been Ambiguous Ambiguity- 2010!